I JUST STARTED A NEW RELATIONSHIP WHERE I MANIPULATE, I MEAN SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST, AND ON THE PATIENT INTAKE FORM WHEN IT ASKED FOR MY REASON FOR COMING IN, I SAID "MY BREAKING POINT WAS WHEN I THREW MY LAPTOP ACROSS MY LIVING ROOM AFTER I GOT SIX WEST ELM COUPONS IN A ROW- EACH ESCALATING IN URGENCY AND DISCOUNT." #JIHANISTHEWORST | Photo by @contextofcontent
I LIVE WITH AN ODD GUILT- I DON'T READ CARDS THAT PEOPLE GIVE ME. BECAUSE. BECAUSE WHO KNOWS. BUT I HAVE A PLACE I HIDE UNOPENED BIRTHDAY AND CORRESPONDENCE CARDS IN THE RAFTERS AT MY STUDIO, REACHABLE BY LADDER. SOMEDAY WHEN I'M STRONGER, I'LL OPEN THEM. MAYBE. #JIHANISTHEWORST | photo by @contextofcontent .... also am I seeing you tomorrow at the @bossladiesmag fireside chat at @parachutehome in Venice? Tickets through @bossladiesmag. I'm changing my underwear for the occasion so I'd love you to come. πŸ‘‹πŸ½πŸ˜¬πŸ‘‹πŸ»
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AS YOU ARE READING THIS, I'M GUESSING YOUR BANK ACCOUNT BALANCE BC I'VE ALREADY DETERMINED WHAT U LOOK LIKE NAKED. πŸ˜¬πŸ˜œπŸ€‘πŸ˜‚πŸ‘€πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ#JIHANISTHEWORST #JIHANTHOUGHTS | photo (and πŸ‘Ÿ cameo) by @contextofcontent.
WHY WE DON'T BLUSH EVERY TIME WE ANNOUNCE OUR GOING TO THE RESTROOM IS STILL OUR MOST ASTOUNDING ACT OF COMPARTMENTALIZING AS HUMANS. THAT, AND QUIETLY SITTING THRU A SYRIAN GENOCIDE IN 2017. #JIHANTHOUGHTS | photo by @contextofcontent
FROM THE WINDOWS OF MY CAPITOL HILL APARTMENT IN SEATTLE, IN 2009, I USED TO WATCH THIS COUPLE PLAY XBOX NAKED ON THEIR COUCH DURING THE DAY, AND IT WAS THE THING I LOOKED FORWARD TO THE MOST ON WEDNESDAYS, WHEN I WORKED FROM HOME. #JIHANISTHEWORST | photo by @contextofcontent
I JUST DONT THINK PEOPLE REMEMBER HOW MUCH BARNES AND NOBLE AND EDDIE BAUER and THE BODY SHOP PLAYED IN OUR MASS MALL CONSUMER LIVES 15 YEARS AGO AND SOMETIMES I GIVE A LITTLE ATTITUDE TO AMAZON PRIME FOR BEING SO SMUG CUZ I'M LIKE "UR PROB NEXT, BIG BOY". πŸ‘… | photo by @keara.maryn
I COUNT AND MOURN MY OLD HOBBIES LIKE THEY ARE DISCONNECTED FRIENDS. WE TAKE GLANCES AT EACHOTHER AS WE PASS. NODDING. IN CONVERSATION, I AM ALOOF AND LAY LOW TO THE DEPTH OF MY KNOWLEDGE OF BEAD TWISTING, ROCK TUMBLING, THE 1960s FRENCH MOTORBIKE "LA MOBYLETTE", LINDA RONSTADT, WIZARD OF OZ MEMORABILIA, WHITE MATTE GLAZED REDWING POTTERY, AND POST 1985 "POP" PEZ DISPENSERS . BUT JUST AS SOON AS SOMEONE TRIES TO SPREAD AMATEUR FACTS, I SET THEM STRAIGHT WITH SUCH PRECISION AND THOROUGHNESS, NOT EVEN WIKIPEDIA CAN RIVAL. #JUSTJIHAN | photo by @rachelgulotta πŸ†
WHEN I EAT PISTACHIO ICE CREAM, I THINK ABOUT HOW SIMILAR IT IS TO HUMAN DYNAMICS. OFTEN, I AM LABORED WITH THE EMOTIONAL OR MENTAL DIGGING REQUIRED TO GET SOMEWHERE WITH SOMEONE, AND JUST BEFORE I DECIDE TO GIVE UP, I STUMBLE UPON A LITTLE NUT AND THEN I’M LIKE, β€œWELL, I GUESS I BETTER KEEP GOING”. AND THEN I'VE COMPLETED AN ENTIRE PINT OF ICE-CREAM AND MY RELATIONSHIP IS ONLY AS SECURE AS THE NEXT TIME I GO LOOKING FOR A REASON TO STAY FRIENDS. AGAIN. #JIHANTHOUGHTS πŸ™ƒπŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈπŸ€”πŸ––πŸ½ | photo by @jessicakobeissi from our @hsfreeclinic sculpture πŸ†πŸ˜πŸ€™πŸΌ
MY GREAT-AUNT DARILEE: ORPHANED AT CHILDHOOD, WITH PINK MOHAWK AND MULLET; DROVE HER TRICYCLE TO STURGIS; HAD THE LARGEST COLLECTION OF YEARBOOKS IN THE WORLD AND HELPED THE FBI SOLVE COLD CASES IN ADDITION TO HELPING PEOPLE RESTORE THEIR IDENTITIES; WAS KICKED OUT OF HER UNIVERSITY FOR GO-GO DANCING; CREATED THE MEMORIAL "FACES FROM THE WALL" DEVOTED TO BOYS WHO DIED SERVING IN VIETNAM; HOSTED WEDDINGS WITH MONSTER TRUCK GET AWAY CARS AND PINATAS AND CHILDRENS CHORUS; SPREAD HILARIOUS AND EXAGGERATED FAMILY ANCESTRY LORE; OWNER OF 3rd STREET BOOK EXCHANGE IN MARYSVILLE WASHINGTON FOR 30 YEARS- OFTEN GIVING BOOKS AWAY FOR FREE JUST BECAUSE SHE WANTED PEOPLE TO READ; IS THE MOST INTRIGUING PERSON I WILL EVER MEET. I'M SURE HALF OF EVERYTHING I JUST WROTE IS NOT COMPLETELY TRUE, AS TIME HAS COLORED MY MEMORY, BUT IT'S AS I LIKE TO REMEMBER HER: LARGER THAN LIFE. SHE PASSED AWAY LAST WEEK FROM CANCER, AND I WHEN SOMEONE DIES, IT MAKES YOU REFLECT ON YOUR OWN LIFE. IF THE MORAL OF HER LIFE'S STORY IS ANYTHING, IT'S "DON'T WASTE TIME NOT DOING THE THING YOU BELIEVE IN" AND IS A FITTING REMINDER FOR ME ON THIS IMPORTANT DAY. // HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY TO THE WORLD AND THANK YOU AUNTIE DARILEE FOR BELIEVING IN SO MUCH AND NOT WASTING A SECOND FIGHTING FOR IT. | photo by @ohhappyday of our SF Mission takeover.
WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHAT I DO, I WILL MENTION SOME VERSION OF BEING AN ARTIST OR UN-PUBLISHED ALL-CAPS WRITER OF NON-SEQUITURS, BUT MY HEART GENUINELY EXPLODES TO SAY, β€œMY PASSION: I’VE BEEN WORKING ON A PLAYLIST THE PAST SEVEN MONTHS THAT I FEEL EXPRESSES 'THE MOST', THE INTANGIBLE, THE RIDICULOUS, THE ENNUI OF LIFE-- THE PLAYLIST IS CALLED, β€˜BACK WAXING TO BILL WITHERS’ AND YOU CAN LISTEN TO IT ON MY SPOTIFY ACCOUNT BECAUSE IT MAY BE MY GREATEST WORK YET.” #notanADforSpotify LISTEN AND HOLLER AT ME ONLY IF U LIKE IT. Otherwise be quiet please.πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ | photo by @adapperline of balloon trooper @kelle_meschede on the roof of our surprise installation at @hsfreeclinic this week, live until Monday March 6th. We use non-helium, 100% biodegradable, compostable balloons.
I GUESS ANOTHER REALLY IMPORTANT THING TO KNOW IS THAT I GOT MY πŸ‘‚πŸ»πŸ™‰πŸ‘‚πŸ»EARS PIERCED WHEN I WAS THREE YEARS OLD πŸ‘§πŸ»AS A BRIBE FROM MY MOTHER TO QUIT BREAST FEEDING. πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈπŸ˜œπŸ˜ŽπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘€πŸ₯›#JIHANISTHEWORST #jihansmomgotitgoingon? | thank you to @hedleyandbennett for supporting us today with a rainbow of aprons to match our balloon confetti rainbow! #apronsquad #myapronbestfriend
I'M VERY GLAD TO BE A WOMAN TODAY BECAUSE IT IS VERY FASHIONABLE TO BE A WOMAN RIGHT NOW AND I'M ENJOYING BUT ALSO SUFFERING WHICH ARE (UN)QUESTIONABLY THE SAME THING EVERY MOMENT AND HAVE NEVER FELT MORE STRONG AND WEAK AS A WOMAN IN AMERICA IN 2017. #JIHANTHOUGHTS #2017 | photo by @eleanorpetry for @wmag or was it @voguemagazine?
MY EGO IS VERY PLEASED TO BE THE NEW MASCOT OF LOS ANGELES AND I GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT VERY HAPPY THAT I'M THE MOST FAMOUS + IMPORTANT PERSON TO GRADUATE FROM MY HIGH SCHOOL WHICH MEANS NOTHING BUT ALSO EVERYTHING BECAUSE #JIHANISTHEWORST. I STILL DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE THO.πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ#CLASSOF2003 #KAMIAKHIGHSCHOOL #MVP #UNLIKELYSUCCESS #IWON | #Repost @discoverla ・・・ It's more than a city. It's a vibe. #😎LA Balloons by L.A. artist @GeronimoBalloons #discoverLA / shot by @floriasigismondi πŸŽ¬πŸ‘ŠπŸ»
I SEE A LOT OF FAMOUS PEOPLE CARRYING ELECTRIC CROCK POTS TO THEIR CARS. OK- AS OF THIS MORNING, I'VE NOW SEEN IT THREE TIMES. #WHATDOESITALLMEAN????? #JIHANTHOUGHTS | photo by @eleanorpetry πŸŒ‘πŸŽ±πŸŽ§πŸŽ¬πŸ’£πŸ–€for @vanityfair.
I CHECKED, AND THE SAME PERSON WHO "DOES NOT LIKE GRATUITY TO BE INCLUDED IN THE CHECK", CAN BE CROSS-REFERENCED WITH "DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THE JOY OF DRIVING WITH WINDOWS DOWN WITH AC ON A HOT DAY" AND "WILL NOT WISH ANYONE A HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY BECAUSE IT'S A CONSUMER CONSPIRACY HOLIDAY". πŸ€“πŸ˜œπŸ€‘ #JIHANTHOUGHTS | #process #bts photo by @scottyvance from our @springstreetsocialsociety design at @platform_la
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