THERE WAS A GIFT ROOM AT MY GRANDPARENT'S HOME AND GRANDMA WOULD WRITE THE NAME OF THE RECIPIENT OF THE GIFT DIRECTLY ON THE GIFT WITH A PERMANENT MARKER (WAITING FOR BIRTHDAYS & CHRISTMAS). I LEARNED HOW TO FORGE GRANDMA'S HANDWRITING AND THEN WROTE MY NAME ON ALL THE GIFTS UNCLAIMED. ANOTHER TIME I BROKE HER SEWING MACHINE IN THE SEWING ROOM WHICH I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO BE IN AND I BLAMED IT ON THE SEATTLE EARTHQUAKE OF 1993. #JIHANISTHEWORST | ❤️ #geronimostudio
I FELT FOR SO LONG THAT I NEEDED TO PROVE MYSELF, AND LIED A LOT ABOUT MY AGE-- SO NOW, A DECADE LATER, WHEN I RECONNECT WITH PEOPLE NOW THAT I KNEW YEARS AGO THAT THINK I'M MUCH OLDER THAN I AM, I KINDLY ACCEPT THE CONGRATULATIONS FOR LOOKING SO YOUNG AND DON'T SET THEM STRAIGHT BECAUSE I'M STILL A VAIN AND COMPLICATED HUMAN. #JIHANISTHEWORST | assembly outtake from our #ohhappydaybirthdayparty installation in San Francisco for @ohhappyday @jordanferney ❤️
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HEY IF YOU’RE A SEMI WHIMSICAL WEIRD IMAGINATIVE PERSON LIKE ME, JUST LOOKING FOR A LITTLE EXTRA FUN, I SUGGEST BUYING 2000 FLUSHES TOILET BOWL DROPS, WHICH IS AN UNNATURAL SHADE OF BLUE. THE NEXT STEP IS TO CHANGE UP YOUR DIET TO CREATE A BIT OF COLOR ALCHEMY AND INVENT NEW COLOR TONES A FEW TIMES A DAY. (THIS IS NOT AN AD) (#SPONSORED BY #GERONIMOTOILETHUMOR) #JIHANISTHEWORST | #geronimostudio photo tour and interview for @sfgirlbybay ❤️ and photos by @lilyglass 🎉.
AIRLINE AGENTS VERY SERIOUSLY CHECKING YOUR CARRY-ON BAG FOR SIZE TO CATCH YOUR SNEAKY BUTT IN A LIE, IS LIKE BEING A KID AND YOUR MOM ASKING TO SMELL YOUR BREATH TO SEE IF YOU REALLY BRUSHED YOUR TEETH AFTER YOUR TOOTHBRUSH LOOKED SUSPICIOUSLY DRY. 🤓🕵🏽‍♀️👅✈️⚖️🚨#JIHANTHOUGHTS | this week, on set! More to come! 🎉🎉
I WAS SUCH AN ABNOXIOUS 20 YEAR OLD -- MY RING BACK 👂🏻📱TONE WAS VIVALDI, FOUR SEASONS. 🤓🎻🎼🍂🍃🤘🏾
LOOK FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH -- I DONT THINK AMANDA KNOX DID IT. | tb photo by @jenniferyoungstudio, from our collaboration #artmoproject years ago ✌️😘✌️
I ONCE GOT OUT OF A SPEEDING TICKET FOR EXPLAINING THAT I HAD SNEEZED. #JIHANISTHEWORST | tb to #mybigfatgreekcation with @alessandrorumie, in a balloon head piece by @acanakdgn.
SOMETIMES WHEN I FEEL A LIL SAD, I HOLD MY OWN HAND AND KISS IT AND PAT IT AND I ALMOST FORGET IT'S ME CONSOLING MYSELF UNTIL I SEE THE FRECKLE TATTOO I GOT AS A JOKE FOR MY 30TH BDAY AND I'M LIKE, "OH I HAVE ONE LIKE THAT TOOO!!!!", TO MYSELF. #JIHANISTHEWORST | 50 second feature film video has a pay off at the end if you want a real thrill. 💥
I USED TO THINK THAT THE WORST TYPE OF IMPATIENCE IS THE KIND RELATING TO FOOD-- AND SPECIFICALLY THE VERY (IN-THE-MOMENT 😉) MISERABLE 20 MINUTES AFTER YOU’VE ORDERED AND BEEN MAROONED ON A TABLE-- LEFT TO SALIVATE IN ANTICIPATION. HOWEVER! THIS SUMMER I LEARNED ABOUT A NEW TYPE OF IMPATIENCE WHICH CAME IN THE FORM OF MY FORMER FIANCE-LOVER-LIFE-PARTNER-BEST-FRIEND-CREATIVE-INSPIRATION-BUDDY-MUSE-FRENEMY RELEASING AN ALBUM ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, ABOUT MY GLUTEN ALLERGY AND BAD ATTITUDE, ABOUT OUR BREAKUP, ABOUT HIS MESSED UP TOENAIL AND ABOUT HIS NEW LOVE LIFE.  BUT THE THING IS, HE RELEASED IT ONE SONG AT A TIME-- SO I SPENT TWO MONTHS WAITING-- RELUCTANTLY,  ANTICIPATING-- EACH SONG AND WHATEVER IMPENDING EMOTIONAL FALLOUT I WAS MAYBE GOING TO EXPERIENCE AFTERWARD. NOW BEFORE YOU START TO ADMIRE THIS KIND OF MASOCHISM, I WILL TELL YOU THAT THIS SORT OF EXPERIENCE FAR SURPASSES ANYTHING I’VE EVER KNOWN, INCLUDING A 2014 BOUT WITH SCABIES, AND I WISH IT ON NO ONE. TO TOP IT OFF, I CAN OBJECTIVELY SAY THAT IT’S A MASTERPIECE WHICH IS PROBABLY BECAUSE I WAS A REAL PIECE OF WORK FOR A FEW YEARS ...WHICH TURNS OUT IS VERY INSPIRATIONAL TO THE WRITING PROCESS, AND CAN’T EVEN BE UPSET WHEN IT POPS UP IN MY SPOTIFY CHANNEL. 🙄😑🙃😆💁🏼#JIHANISTHEWORST | photo by @toriwillis for a feature that should be spamming you via @facebook + @voxdotcom, currently.
I'M NOT PROUD OF THIS -- BUT OCCASIONALLY I GET ON THE INTERNET AND I'M JUST IN. THE . MOOD . TO . TROLL. 😈🤕😬🙃#JIHANISTHEWORST #TROLLSEASON | with #alviethedog at @ohhappyday's disco ball corner 💫
SOME DAYS IT FEELS AS THOUGH 📱AUTOCORRECT HAS SPECIFICALLY SINGLED ME OUT TO THWART MY PERSONAL HAPPINESS AND WELLBEING, BUT I'M LIKE "NOT TODAY AUTOCORRECT-- NOTTT TOOODAAY!". #JIHANTHOUGHTS (Also filed under in-the-moment misery) | bts photo by @contextofcontent
I HEARD *from a French person THAT BRUCE WILLIS’S VOICE-OVER ACTOR IN FRANCE IS JUST AS FAMOUS AS BRUCE WILLIS. 😎 I LIKE THAT. | photo by @contextofcontent
2016 HAD ME UPGRADING MY TOILET PAPER WHICH TURNED INTO PLUMBERS BEING CALLED TWICE AND A HOME FLOOD BUT THERE'S NO QUESTION IN MY SOUL- IT'S BEEN WORTH IT AND I'D DO IT ALL AGAIN.😎🤘🏾 #JIHANTHOUGHTS | #tb to our installation at #attpark #sfgiants on home plate! Photo by @contextofcontent
I CANT REMEMBER IF I TOLD YOU-- THAT I ONCE HAD LEANN RIMES EX HUSBAND CONTACT ME ON A DATING APP. BUT THE IRONIC 90s FEMALE PERFORMER KICKER IS THAT MY PROFILE PICTURE IS BRITNEY SPEARS BODY WITH A PYTHON AND MY HEAD PHOTOSHOPPED ON TOP. 😎😅 | if you can name the song in this video with cameo by trooper @sofiecoh, then I love you. ❤️🎉
CHRISTMAS FOR ME IS BEING FIFTEEN AND GETTING A PAIR OF LEATHER JEANS FROM MY COUSIN RICHARD AND AN ALL AGES GAME OF EATING DEAD INSECTS ON DARE, AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE. #JIHANTHOUGHTS | photo by @contextofcontent of our little surprise on Sunset Blvd in Los Angeles ... with 8 foot balloons too!
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